The beauty of uncertainty
Dealing With Uncertainty In the Early Stages of Relationship. Posted on July 17, These questions are part of the dating process. Focus on the. This stage happens after you've been casually dating or hooking up for stage of uncertainty, we think about whether the person we're with is. What actions should I take when the guy I have been dating for a month seems confused and uncertain about taking dating to the next level?.
Let your partner play a supportive role in helping you work through your fears and finding a new approach to any destructive patterns.
You may be surprised just how much more trust this can create. Communicating openly, and not just talking but really communicating with your partner, can erode much of the uncertainty in relationships. Find out what drives your partner, what they are hungry for, what their goals are.
Find out what their pains are. Open up and give this person your love and honesty.
For example, try looking your partner in the eyes and asking them to explain what makes them feel loved. Honor and accept their answer as the truth and not try to change their needs to match yours. No matter what, believe that your partner has only positive intent. Rather than reacting, open up and see what they need at that moment to feel loved.
Uncertainty for Her When a woman is uncertain she tends to focus on where the relationship is going. She often senses the man pulling away and worries if she did something wrong or if he is with someone else. When a man comes on strong in Stage One and then pulls back in Stage Two, a woman sometimes feels like chasing him or giving him more.
This can sabotage the relationship. As she is looking for his reassurance, she often makes one of two common mistakes: She asks him where the relationship is going. She tries to win him over by being too pushy or giving up herself. Both of these approaches can push him away or prevent him from feeling confident that he is the right man for her.
Instead of letting him continue to please her, her attempts to please him can cause him to lose interest. If and when she is not sure where her relationship is going, she should find support from her friends. This gives her time and space to think about whether he is really the right person for an exclusive relationship. The Challenge The challenge in Stage Two of dating is to recognize that uncertainty is normal during the dating process.
Without a good understanding of the uncertainty stage, it is easy for a man to drift from one partner to another and for a woman to make the mistake of pursuing a man more than he is pursuing her. Exclusivity The Third Stage of Dating begins when both people feel a desire to date each other exclusively. Both of them want the opportunity to give and receive love in a special relationship without competition. They want to relax and have more time to share with one partner.
The Exclusivity Stage begins with a conversation and a commitment to stop seeing other people. Exclusivity must not be assumed without talking about it and coming to an agreement about it. Many people believe that if they are sexually involved, then they are exclusive. However, sex is not a requirement for exclusivity. Exclusivity for Him When a man moves into the exclusivity stage, he can often grow complacent in the relationship. He may assume that he has done all he needs to do to win a willing partner.
This can cause him to stop doing the things that made him so attractive to her in the beginning. This is not the time for him to sit home and assume that the work of building a romance is over. He needs to continue to take the time to explore what she likes and plan romantic dates together. Romance fuels her attraction for him. If he relaxes too much, she may stop responding to him like the way she did during the first two stages of dating.
Exclusivity for Her After she has agreed to be exclusive, her greatest challenge is asking him for support. She often assumes that he will start to do things without being asked.
Just as his romantic gestures reassure her that she is special, her requests encourage him to continue giving her what she needs. She becomes more attractive to him when he knows what she wants and he feels confident that he can fulfill her.
She should continue receiving with positive responses.
She may want to do more but when she feels she is giving more, she can lose her appreciation and attraction for him. The Challenge The challenge in the Third Stage of Dating is to avoid becoming too comfortable and stop doing the little things that make the other person feel special. He needs to continue being romantic, planning dates and chasing her. She needs to ask for what she wants, and be receptive and responsive to his efforts.
Intimacy Once both people have experienced chemistry on all four levels — physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, they are ready to experience the real and lasting love that can grow in the Fourth Stage of Dating: This is the time to relax and just get to know each other on a deeper, more personal level. She should continue to open up more and share her thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities.
He should continue to express his love, show more interest and desire, and look forward to regular physical intimacy. Both of them should grow closer and feel the joy of a deeper emotional connection and increased physical contact.
What to do when the guy I'm dating is uncertain about proceeding? - breakup | Ask MetaFilter
Tips for Men The biggest challenge for him during this stage is to understand that she will show more vulnerability in the relationship. In truth, it takes time to assess whether or not you are willing to commit and spend your life with another.What Women Need to Understand About Male Psychology
It takes recurrence with someone over time to know whether or not you can trust one another to work through breakdowns as they arise and to successfully take care of your mutual needs and desires. It is absolutely normal for this process to take a couple of years before you feel resolved enough in your relationship choice to commit to marriage. So what do you do with all the emotional discomfort in the meantime?
How do you deal with all of these unanswered questions and the fears that arise in the course of building relationship? First, make peace with the questions — both yours and theirs. They will be there awhile. Expand yourself to include BOTH the deep love you are experiencing with your new partner and the fears, concerns and questions that abound.
These questions are part of the dating process. Focus on the now as much as possible. Instead of future-thinking, focus on what is good and wonderful about your relationship, right now.
Be in a mood of appreciation and gratitude for the wonderful experiences you ARE sharing together. Speak them out loud to each other. This practice will soothe your fears.
When you are afraid, feel, own and share your feelings.